First dates are a necessary evil in the lives of
singles. They combine the pressure of job interviews
with the artificiality of plastic flowers. You’re
willing to do practically ANYTHING to make a good
impression; all the while you’re observing each move
your date makes with the suspicious air of a judge
looking down his/her nose at a defendant.
With all the high hopes, expectations and fears men
and women bring to the table on a first date, it’s a
wonder anyone makes it to the second these days. To
aid in the progress of l’amour au courant, here are
some first date
do’s and don’ts to follow:
DO:
Be yourself. Let me amend that to be your BEST self.
This is not the time to admit to all the
vulnerabilities and insecurities that regularly beset
you, nor to share the story of how the shock of
catching your fiancé in bed with your brother landed
you in a mental institution. Trot out the
tried-and-true tales that showcase your sweet and
sparkling personality.
Be a good listener. The purpose of this strategy is
twofold. A man likes a woman who isn’t a conversation
hog. He wants the opportunity to shine in your eyes by
trotting out HIS tried-and-true tales. Plus, allowing
him to orate gives you the chance to discern what
makes him tick. If he talks about how ALL of his ex
girlfriends are bitter, selfish, man-hating crones,
imagine their side of the story. If he admits to not
being the marrying kind, that’s valuable information
to have early on as well. (No, you won’t change him!)
If he talks about how the thing that gives life
meaning for him is being involved in a love
relationship – well, isn’t that good info to know?
Try to have fun. Your life does not hang in the
balance. It’s just a date. All you’re really doing is
hanging out for a few hours with a new acquaintance.
Lighten up.
DON’T:
Pretend to be someone you’re not. If you eat meat and
he’s a vegetarian, fess up to your carnivorous ways.
Ditto if you’re a two-pack-a-day gal and he’s a
non-smoker. The truth will always out eventually:
Sooner is truly better than later.
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Make a snap judgment about your feelings toward
him. Unless he’s a TOTAL boor or potential
nutcase, give him another try or two before
writing him off. Rush to first date judgment and
you’ll have lots and lots of time to regret the
hasty rejection of someone who might have been the
love of your life.
Leave him hanging. If you’d like to see him again,
say, "I had a great time. The time really flew."
Yes, you can kiss him goodnight but don’t act
desperate to set up a second date on the spot. If
the first date is all she wrote for you, say, "It
was a pleasure meeting you. All the best." Don’t
dilute the message by engaging in kissy-kissy.
The most important first tip of all: Date safe.
Don’t take risks with your safety. Just because
your cousin’s friend’s boss introduced you to this
guy doesn’t mean you should invite a virtual
stranger in for some wine and music. Besides, not
rushing into intimacy gives you something to look
forward to on future dates.
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