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Dating Article Archives
Digital Yentas Seek Lonely Hearts
By
Alorie
Gilbert
Staff
Writer, CNET News.com
Just as
online matchmaking services are hitting their stride as a
mainstream phenomenon, a cottage industry is springing up to
help online sweet-talkers.
Straight-talking Eve Hogan, whose advice column launched
Thursday on matchmaking site DreamMates.com, advises would-be
wooers who've heated up their keyboards getting to know each
other ought to get offline quick--within about two weeks.
"You will know by then if there is something wrong or if it
feels right," Hogan said. "Some people think about online
dating as a place where the relationship takes place, but the
whole purpose of the Web is for introductions."
Hogan is just the latest to tap into the growing popularity of
online relationships, the perils of which are famously
captured by a New Yorker cartoon featuring a hound at a
computer and the caption: "On the Internet, nobody knows
you’re a dog."
Hogan says she can help you steer clear of the mutts.
And despite her advice to shut down the computer for real
world courtship, she touts the Internet as a great dating tool
since it lets people get to know each other intellectually
before diving into a physical relationship.
"It causes people to talk about topics that matter to them in
a way that doesn't necessarily happen right away in
face-to-face dating," said Hogan, whose 2001 book, "Virtual
Foreplay: Making Your Online Relationship a Real-Life
Success," unravels the art of Internet courtship.
"Virtual Foreplay" is just one of several online dating guides
carried on
Amazon.com. Among the titles it shares the virtual
bookshelf with are "The Complete Idiot's Guide to Online
Dating and Relating," "Wired Not Weird: A Woman's Guide to
Dating Online," "Cyberflirt" and "50+ And Looking for Love
Online."
The book boom reflects the growing popularity of online
matchmaking, which has gone from slightly embarrassing to
positively mainstream in recent years.
"We all seem to know a couple that has met that way, whether
it's a friend, a co-worker or even a parent," Hogan said.
And online lonely hearts seeking true love could use a digital
yenta, since online matchmaking poses unique challenges.
Take Claudia Graziano, who went online with Match.com and
found herself overwhelmed with hundreds of e-mails.
"I
was so inundated with messages that I lost track of who I
found interesting," said Graziano, who lives in San Francisco.
"I ended up responding only to people who wrote me first,
rather than being proactive."
Hogan has a handful of blanket recommendations for dealing
with the unknown of a first-time "real world" date, even if
online chats make the two people feel like they know one
another. For safety's sake, meet in a public place during the
day, arrange your own transportation and plan on paying your
own way. And don't sweat it, if sparks don't fly, she says.
"You can't take their reaction personally if the other person
formed their own preconceived notions."
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