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Common Worries
One thing that is
common with most people when talking about online dating is they
approach it with a little apprehension at first. Asking
themselves, "Why am I doing this? Will I actually meet someone
I'll like? Aren't only people who can't get dates in the real
world trying online dating?" The truth is online dating is growing
and more accepted today. The reason is we all have less time. In
today's lifestyle and culture people want more control in
socializing. Many people are putting in more hours at work these
days and some are even juggling two jobs leaving them little time
to socialize.
This is where online dating comes in: you choose who you want to
talk to and when. You have a wide selection of people to
choose from, and often with their likes and dislikes right there
to read. So it is easy to find people you may share
interests with. These aren't random encounters at the bar
but people you have done a little research on and decided you want
to know more about
and test the waters with a simple email message.
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Who uses them?
Everybody. You can't point to one demographic
because that's like saying who goes to movies? It's essentially
the world's biggest singles bar. Except you can do it in the
privacy of your own home and take your time to read about someone
and get to know them by e-mail and phone before you ever go out.
The Expansion Of
Online Dating
Online dating is
growing. Socializing online is increasing as internet connections
speed up with DSL and make it easier to navigate online. The
future of matchmaking online will get more advanced and fun - with
videos, live voice, and more.
Again, the great thing
about socializing online is you can be very exact about what you
like and dislike right off, and choose people who share those
interests or you may even want to meet someone who does something
you would like to know more about. You will not only meet
someone new but take part in a new activity. You might not like
tennis but this person is such a good teacher that you come to
enjoy not just this person's company but their sport and being
around them. Online dating just expands your opportunities
to meet more diverse people.
Should you look for dates online if you're not
that serious?
Absolutely. Don't do it if you're in a bad place,
but this can serve whatever purpose you want it to serve. Think of
it like joining the gym. You can join the gym and work out six
days a week, workout three days a week, one day a week, once a
month. You get out what you put in.
Quick Tips
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Fill out registration
honestly.
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Ask and answer questions.
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When email exchanges move to
the phone you can read a lot by the tone of voice. Also, pay
attention to their ability to listen and communicate.
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Date safe. Don't give out
personal information (home address for instance) until you
know you want to go on a date with this person.
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Diversity of Users
There are all types of people online just as in the
real world. There are people who just want to have fun and
may back out at the last minute. Others may act more serious
and want to find their 'one true love'.
Next there might be the socializing chatter brain who just to meet
a bunch of people and not actually go on a date. Finally,
the largest group, the
dedicated searcher, focused and definitely online to find a date
and make a connection.
You will probably find a mix of all these kinds of people, so have
fun and choose wisely, usually your first thought is the right
one. If you are unsure ask a friend for advice.
Find The Right Relationship Match
The key is finding the
person who wants the kind of relationship you are looking for.
Whether you want a serious long term relationship or a friend to
go out with. The relationship may be platonic at first, but could
lead to something more.
Good Advice: Be Patient
Make sure the person you might meet has answered all your
questions. If pressured move on, don't rush into anything.
Ask Stupid Questions
Some people might not lie outright but may hide the fact that they
are not really single but have a girlfriend or boyfriend or are
even married. If you get a sense that something isn't right, it
most likely isn't right. Ask and see if they can erase your
initial worry.
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Caution Signs
1. No definitive answers. You ask how old they are and they
respond it doesn't matter for example.
2. Following up and reliability. Doing what they say they were
going to do. Simply responds when they say they are going to
respond.
3. Consistency in writing style.
4. Doesn't want to exchange pictures.
5. Only emails late at night and in a cryptic style that is hard
to understand.
6. Immediately wants to meet or says I love you after just a few
messages. (Obviously a red flag!)
An overall good idea in online or dating offline is follow your
instinct. The great thing about online dating is you can pick and
choose easily and not necessarily go out on an awkward first date.
The Steps To
Offline Dating
Again, take your
time. Don't skip any of the steps that are the normal course of
online dating.
1. Meet online
anonymously.
2. Chat and exchange emails: dislikes and likes, shared goals.
3. Speak over the phone.
4. Meet in a public place. Possibly with friends at a party for
example.
You could add exchange pictures to this short list.
Writing A Personal
Ad
Try to type something
up before you go to the site to post your ad. You are marketing
yourself, essentially creating a brief resume but rather than for
a job, for a date or love. Take the time to craft a fun and
clever ad.
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Your Alias
You will also need to select an alias. This should be an
attention grabbing name and should give some clues to who you are
and tell a little bit about yourself since this is the first thing
people will see. Your alias might be funny and clever, tell
something about your personality, tell something about what kind
of relationship you are seeking, and be more a descriptive
combination hinting at your personality and showing what kind of
date you are looking for.
You could also use
your alias to let people know about one of your passions or
hobbies. If you enjoy dancing you could have an alias like
dancinggirl or salsaman or if you like sports you could use the
alias skigirl or soccerboy. Although you should only use an alias
that relates to one of your passions or hobbies if it is truly
something you are passionate about because it will not only
attract people with those similar kinds of interests but exclude
those that don't enjoy those activities. This is what is great
about online dating, you can narrow down and find exactly who you
are looking for.
Make It Sell
Again, you are basically marketing yourself. If you say 'fun
girl' you will probably attract a lot of guys simply looking for a
good time. So you have to think about what kind of people
you want to get responses from.
Another thing to think
about is when choosing an alias you need it to stand out amongst all
the others. You can do this by referring to something
unknown or esoteric and only those who know what you are talking
about will be in on the reference. For example you could
mention a writer or actor you enjoy and attach that to your alias like Rowlinglady (referring to JK Rowling the author of Harry Potter)
or merylstreepwoman, this can also hint at what you look like if
you look similar to the actress Meryl Streep for instance.
Having a hidden reference can also give you and the person you're
contacting something to chat about when first exchange messages.
Acting like a spark for the
initial connection.
Another option you
have when creating an alias is to have it say something about what
your like or what the dating experience might be like with you:
funlovingdude, or shygirl, goodkindofbad, hittheclubs,
studiousbutfun. Also, you could give an idea of what kind of
relationship you want, seriouslovelady, lifelove, kindhearted,
justbrokeup, huggable, or justfun. Try to get creative and the
bottom line in the online dating world is to have fun, express
yourself, and be safe by listening to your own internal instincts,
trust them.
On The Front Page:
Create A Headline
Most matchmaking sites
will want you to write a headline for your ad. Potential dates
will only see this at some sites, so it is important, just as when
creating an alias, to have it get people's attention and say
something about yourself or give clues to what you're like. The
more it intrigues people the more clicks you will get and visits
to your profile. You can take a similar approach to your headline as
with your alias, incorporating a little about yourself or going
the clever, funny route - below are a few quick examples:
"I'm Worth It"
"You Won't Be
Disappointed"
"Devilish Angel"
"Seriously Studious
But Full of Fun"
"Sunsets and Walks On
The Beach"
"Ask and You Shall
Receive"
"Scratch and Sniffable"
"People Usually Lick,
I'm Like Me"
As I said before, you
can definitely come up with some better one's.
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Truthfully Describe
Yourself & What Kind Of Relationship You Want
Don't lie about your
appearance if you want the potential relationship to work out. If
you're a little chubby say so, you may find a great work out
partner, your alias could be dietpartner even. If you're tall, say
so, this is another reason why online dating has grown in it's
popularity. The way that it can narrow down your selections and match people.
If you're tall and want to connect with someone who is equally tall
you can put that in your ad and those that qualify will click to
your ad. You are in control. You can pick, select, and choose.
There are all types of
people online and they can search for specific traits. If you are looking for a
serious relationship, say so, if your looking for fun, say so.
You
will get what you want and get responses based on what you ask
for. This way you are also not deceiving anyone and being
upfront. People will appreciate that. Nobody wants to be duped
or tricked. In this way, apply this throughout the process of
setting up your personal ad, in your headline, alias, and ad
itself try to write honestly and from the heart, and don't forget
to have fun doing it.
Say
Something About Yourself
You can list things you like and activities you
enjoy or your job and career goals but also try to give a view
into the way you think or the views you hold. Although you
still want to have fun and try to be clever.
"Make love not war.
Really let's make changes in this world. Do you agree?"
"From a big family,
want to make one together."
"Yes I recycle and
don't eat meat but I can be bad. I'll give you a demonstration."
"Like whispering in
girls ears. Need I say more."
"Enjoy walks. Enjoy
the outdoors since I grew up near the mountains."
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Be Honest, Yet Draw
Them In
You can do this by
giving a general description of what you've done but not give up
all the details. For instance, say you enjoy music, "Love Music", instead of
saying exactly what kind, or if you want to be specific you can of
course say, "Love Hip Hop", this way you narrow down who clicks on
your ad, or you can name an artist or musician you love.
However, if you get too specific you may exclude a
number of people that might be right for you. Another
example of how you can arouse people's interest is by instead of
just saying you
enjoy traveling, you can say, "Been to five different countries in
one trip," or rather than listing all of the countries you've visited
right off. Along the same lines you might say, "Speak love
and two other languages." Here you are kind of incorporating
all the different levels of a good ad, clever, fun, sparks an
interest, and gives someone a sense of your personality.
Another example could be, "Professional Recreational Sports Star."
This is a heading that is somewhat funny and may get people to ask
what sport do you play recreationally/ professionally.
Another way to get
draw people in and get them curious about your ad is to ask a
question or give them a riddle to decipher:
"Get up and have a
coffee or get up an have juice?"
"Write to me in two
languages."
"Just finished
school. Finish this sentence: I want to have___?"
These give a hint at your personality and at the
activities you enjoy and makes
the initial dating process interactive and fun.
Get Specific
Be specific when
describing yourself. Most sites will have a form to fill out to
list your physical characteristics. As was stated before, the
truth always comes out, so in the beginning be truthful and you
will be rewarded down the road.
Positivity
Be polite, sincere,
and positive. Say what you want rather than what you don't like,
instead of "hate drunks", say "Can party without cocktails." Try
to give people the sense that you are open to new things and
willing to try new things.
Express Yourself
There is almost
nothing more fulfilling than creating something and expressing
yourself clearly and sincerely all the while having fun doing it.
Also, the fun will only increase once you start receiving feedback
and prospective dates start lining up in your inbox. So create
that amazing or funny Nike, Bud, BMW, Amazon or Super bowl
advertisement right at the matchmaking site. Of course, you can always improve upon it too, cutting
and adding things as you begin to get responses and feedback.
It's not set in stone, your online personal ad is more like clay
and yours to sculpt and mold.
Personal Ad
Mistakes
As was stated earlier, don't list everything you
enjoy doing like a shopping list. State a few things you
like to do and expand upon them. You may feel like giving
people a glimpse in on how you came to love doing this or that.
For example, you may love tennis because you like to challenge
yourself individually or you may like playing basketball because
you enjoy the team camaraderie. Or you may have fallen in
love with playing soccer because you used to play basketball but
weren't tall enough and switched to soccer. Have
fun with it but also try to give a little history behind the
hobbies and sports you enjoy.
Don't mention past
relationships right off, or keep it short and sweet if you do.
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Less Is More
Too much information,
as in a list of a million things you do or like is almost
overwhelming. Try to be succinct and capture the readers
attention with a concise description or sentence or two. Of
course you need to give enough information to give people an idea
of what your like but try not to ramble on.
It is almost as if
you're creating an ad slogan for your profile. A catch
phrase that sums up your personality or grabs the attention of
visitors.
You want to show and not just tell in your ads.
Try not to say I'm an intelligent or a funny man or woman but
rather show this in your writing with clever word play or even by
making fun of yourself. The latter is another key to dating
online, don't take yourself too seriously, adopt a
self-deprecating style, this shows confidence.
Self-Assurance
As is said at the
beginning of this site, everyone approaches online dating with
similar worries and fears. You can discuss this with your potential date how you
are so busy, and how the world has changed and people work more
and longer hours and don't have time do even date or just get so
wrapped up in their work they almost forget how to date. You get
into such a routine, work and then to the gym and then to your
house and then do a little more work until you have to go sleep
and get up and do it all over again. So be confident in your
personal ad and don't stress on the initial foreignness of online
dating. Dating online is losing the stigma of being just for
computer geeks. More people are trying it and
finding that is it easier than going to the bars or the clubs.
You are in control and choose who you want to talk to or chat
with.
Fine Points
Don't use funky fonts,
colors, or caps. People don't want to be screamed at when
you post a message, here
simplicity is good.
Responding to Ads
This goes along with being honest. You need
to follow the ad writer's wishes. If they say only looking
for people of a specific religion or background then move on.
Don't waste their time or yours. Or, if they want you to
answer a certain question, answer it. Try to reply to
someone's ad with a response that you would enjoy receiving.
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